


Emotions

by Sira



Category: Major Crimes (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 13:43:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3136550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sira/pseuds/Sira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The development of Sharon's and Andy's relationship over the years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Anger

**Author's Note:**

> All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> Written for the third Major Crimes Secret Santa. My recipient was/is dlcookie. My eternal gratitude belongs to ufp13. Thanks for beta reading, hon.

It was hard to hate something, someone so beautiful, but with Sharon Raydor, hate seemed a distinct possibility. Or maybe it wasn’t so much hate but anger. Even a few days after his name had been cleared, he still didn’t understand how Raydor could believe he was capable of murder. While part of him understood she had to remain neutral in her position, another part of him was pissed she only let hard facts rule her judgment.

They knew each other for years, and while he hadn’t been anywhere near close of being an exemplary officer, there were things he would never do. God, she had all but accused him of fucking murder.

So it wasn’t a surprise he was less than thrilled when said woman stepped into the elevator right behind him, greeting him curtly, each word precisely enunciated. Of course, she looked impeccable, too, not one hair out of place.

He knew there was another side to her, had seen her with her hair down, so to say, when her marriage with Jackson Raydor had still been young. Nowadays, he wondered if she even went to bed all dressed up, hair and make-up all perfect.

“So who do you intend to hassle today?” he asked, barely hiding his sarcasm.

For what couldn’t have been more than the fraction of a second, he saw hurt in her eyes, then she answered him with a level voice. “You of all people should know that I will always work hard to investigate the core of a matter, that I’m not out to cause trouble for anyone undeserving the… hassle, as you phrased it.”

There were several responses going through his mind; yet, he didn’t voice any of them. They weren’t alone after all, two officers from Vice were also in the elevator. 

Didn’t the fact she had been the first one he called been a sign he was a good guy, was trying to do the right thing? 

Instead of answering, he just shrugged, ignored her, until it was her turn to get out. Only that it didn’t end there. Out of an impulse he couldn’t quite explain, he got out after her. She turned, an eyebrow raised, but waited until the doors of the elevators had shut before she spoke.

“I didn’t know you had to get out on this floor. Or is there anything I can do for you, Lieutenant?”

“Yes, there is. You could explain to me why it is you believed me capable of murder.”

She sighed. 

“Haven’t we talked about this already?”

“Not quite, no. Now, tell me, don’t you know better? I’m not a murderer. I’m a good cop. You used to be one, too.”

“Insulting me won’t get you anywhere. Never mind, the investigation is over, your name was cleared. I don’t see what else you could want from me.”

“How about an apology?”

Something akin to ire appeared in her eyes, and he would lie if he said he wasn’t a bit please he could provoke this reaction in such a stoic person.

“You do your job, Lieutenant, I do mine. I acted by the book, and the only thing I owed you was a fair investigation. You got one.”

He ran a hand through his hair, moved from one leg to the next before becoming utterly still, wanting to watch Sharon Raydor for every minute reaction to his next statement.

“Is there still a woman buried under all these rules and regulations? Isn’t there any space for the heart that should know the answer before a formal investigation confirms it?”

Yeah, he had hurt her alright. While her eyes remained calm, he had seen the way her fingers had twitched as if wanting to curl into a fist. Still, he wasn’t sorry. Not at all.

“Lieutenant… Andy,” she said, her voice just a little bit rougher than it usually was. “I know you feel hurt by my investigation. However, I would do it the very same way if I had to do it again.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“I… There was more than one investigation where I wanted to believe in an officer’s innocence, where I knew the officer for a long time, and still had to find out they were dirty. Life is not just black and white.”

He snorted. 

“Says the one who sticks to her oh-so precious rules no matter what.”

“Yes, the rules don’t leave room to be bent at will, and it’s good that they don’t. But I’m not blind, I know that life can throw you curveballs, that sometimes, the promise of some extra money or the wish for revenge can make you blind to what would be the right way.”

“And now you want a fucking medal for being such a good and law-abiding cop?”

Sharon sighed. “I see we don’t see eye-to-eye. I can’t help the way you feel about procedure or about me. But how about you and I just agree to disagree and go our own ways again?”

“What else.” Without any further word, he turned his back, called for the elevator. The next few seconds seemed to stretch themselves beyond their means, but finally, he heard the telltale click of Sharon’s heels disappearing in the distance.

It was his fingers that curled into a fist now. What had life made out of this woman? He still knew how she looked when she laughed loudly, when she turned men’s heads because she arrived for her shift in jeans. Now, there was just the shell of the woman he thought he knew with glimpses of her peeking through from time to time. 

It shouldn’t bother him. Taking a deep breath, he berated himself for even caring. Sharon had been right, though. They were done… for the moment, and with any luck, it would be a long time until this woman graced the realm of Major Crimes once more.

He got on the elevator, waited until the door had closed before he leaned back against its wall, closing his eyes for a moment, willing himself to let go of the anger. There were more important things to think about, their latest case, the baseball game he wanted to watch this weekend… Almost smiling, he forgot about Sharon Raydor.


	2. Frustration

Sharon had known they wouldn’t make it easy for her. Even expecting hell, it was hard to face it. Did her team really think she didn’t feel, wasn’t faced by the fact they were looking daggers at her as soon as she turned her back or fell silent when she entered a room?

Although she had known they would be careful in their dealings with the former FID head, the open mistrust and dislike hurt. A lot.

For a moment, she closed her eyes, was glad she was alone in her office. The pressure of the new job, Rusty… it was a lot to take. She would prevail, had mastered worse times in her life; still, for a short moment, she was surely allowed to let the anxiety, the weariness she otherwise suppressed surface.

She needed coffee. Strong coffee. Or at least a big cup of what passed as coffee around here. The kitchen wasn’t far, and leaving her office, she was glad she didn’t run into anyone. 

There it was, bitter smelling and surely tasting even worse. She opened the cabinet, took out a cup, filled it almost to the brim. Staring down at the wisps of steam wafting up from it, she hoped it would give her the boost to survive the afternoon. She didn’t notice the steps of someone entering the kitchen behind her. Only when a voice she knew way too well greeted her with ‘Captain’, she knew she wasn’t alone any longer. Straightening, she looked over her shoulder.

“Lieutenant.”

Andy Flynn. One of the worst of the bunch of people irritated by the fact she was deemed their boss. It was one of Flynn’s best and worst features that he would always let you know if he liked – or at least respected – you or not. Rumour had it he had given Brenda Leigh Johnson hell when she first joined the LAPD. He hadn’t truly given Sharon hell, but he had let her know it was all ‘her fault’, that he didn’t want her as head of the department.

Looking at him now, assessing him, she wondered if he had truly thought Provenza was the right person for the job. It needed more than to be a capable cop to lead a department. You didn’t have to pass some gruelling tests for nothing before you earned yourself some captain’s bars.

“Still good?” Flynn asked, nodding in the general direction of the coffee pot.

“I haven’t tasted it, yet.”

She moved a few steps to grant him access to the cabinet and the coffee. Even though everything inside her was tense, she wouldn’t flee.

“I wonder how any cop can survive decades of bad coffee,” Flynn said, helping himself to just as generous amount of coffee as Sharon had done.

So he was trying small talk now? Well, it was better than the cold looks and the silence she got from the others.

Did he finally accept her? Maybe, it was just wishful thinking, too much to interpret into a few small, meaningless words.

“One can get used to a lot of things,” she said.

“Indeed.”

Their gazes met, locked. There was no unfriendliness in his eyes. It was as neutral a gaze as he was capable of giving. Relief mingled with anger that this was the best she obviously could get out of any of them. She wouldn’t be the first to look away.

She wasn’t.

Frustration welled up in her, made her want to take him by the lapels of his jacket and shake him. How long did they know each other? Shouldn’t he know she was a good cop, that she wasn’t out to screw them over? Or was it he regretted it so much he didn’t want to be reminded of it.

She wanted to tell him that having led FID didn’t make her a bad cop, quite the contrary. All she had done she had done to the best of her abilities, to protect the LAPD as much as the citizens of the city. She knew her flaws, knew she liked to stick to the rules, the written word a bit too much, but still, she could do this job, would do it.

It was only a few days ago he had told her it was all her fault. No, it wasn’t. She hadn’t turned good cops bad, she hadn’t forced Brenda Leigh Johnson to go and release a suspect into certain murder. Heck, she had done her very best to drag the chief out of the mud created by her afterwards.

“You know what would help?” Flynn’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Pardon me?”

For the tiniest moment, something akin to a smile flickered over his face.

“I asked if you know what would help.”

“Help with what, Lieutenant?”

One of his eyebrows raised at her use of his title, the careful way she had pronounced each word. They both knew it was a distancing technique, but she couldn’t help herself, needed her mask to regain her composure.

“The stress. You look stressed,… Captain.”

“And you know what helps against stress?”

He raised his free hand. “No need to rip off my head. And yes, I know what helps against this kind of stress. You just need to relax a bit and give it time.”

As if that had been a self-evident explanation, he moved to leave the room.

She shook her head. “Exactly what are you trying to tell me here?” she called after him.

He stopped, turned just in the doorframe. There was a look of kindness on his face now that threatened to undo her. It was the first time someone here had looked at her like that for quite some time.

“You just need to give people time. We all will come around sooner or later, even Provenza. Just… you can’t step onto people’s toes until they’re bleeding and expect everyone to accept and respect you the next moment just because someone decided you’re the boss now.”

“I don’t… I didn’t…”

She knew what he was saying, yet… She allowed herself a sigh. “So you think people will come around?” she said and couldn’t quite suppress a sad smile.

“Yes, they will. I know I did, and there are people who say I’m a tough nut to crack.”

They shared a smile for a small moment, and this time when he turned to leave, she let him go.

People would come around. If he believed it, so could she.


	3. Admiration

A hand on the small of her back, he let Sharon proceed him into her office. He closed the door, sat down when she motioned for him to do so.

“About the case…,” she started, but it was obvious she was distracted, her eyes scanning the file lying on the desk without really seeing.

“I haven’t offered my congratulations yet,” he interrupted her, smiling when he met her puzzled gaze.

“Pardon me?”

“For saving Rusty from his father.”

For about a second, a smile flickered over her face, then it was replaced with careful neutrality.

“I didn’t do such a thing. But Rusty deserves better, way better than someone like Daniel Dunn who’s ashamed of his son.”

There was something in her voice making him glad he wasn’t the recipient of her ire. If she knew it or not, when it came to Rusty, her mother instincts were showing, and she fought for him as he imagined she would fight, had fought, for her own children. Only, in contrast to most people, her anger was cold as ice, not the hot and burning inferno seen in other people. The touch of ice, albeit more subtle wasn’t less lethal. 

He had come to appreciate the way people underestimated Sharon Raydor and her backbone of steel. She roped even the toughest criminals in, appearing harmless, friendly, if a tad bit annoying with citing rules and regulations left and right. Then when the timing was right, she’d go in for the kill. Daniel Dunn hitting his own son wasn’t an exception. Sharon tricked him, let him know in her own way she’d skin him if he’d ever did as much as touch Rusty again.

“Rusty got way better,” he said. “He’s got you.”

“I… thank you,” she said.

“There’s no need to look that surprised, you know.”

“Surprised?”

“Yes. You’ve got a way of looking surprised when someone dares paying you a compliment. It’s subtle, but yeah, it’s definitely surprise.”

He hadn’t meant to say it, wasn’t sure what had prompted him to do so. There was just something inside him that wanted Sharon to see that she was appreciated, that she was good at what she was doing. It had taken him some time to come around, but now, he could see the good that Sharon had done for the department. Granted, if it were up to him, he’d like to see more good ol’ fashioned convictions and less deals, but there was sense to the new approach. Times had changed, and they had to change with them.

Sharon shook her head, sighed. “I am not sure if you noticed but people don’t often think there’s any need to pay me a compliment in the first place.”

He waved her concern aside.

“You’re not FID any longer. You’re one of us now. You do a good job, simple as that.”

Her look clearly told him she didn’t think it was simple as that, and that she didn’t consider having been FID had made her less of a cop. Well, there was use for a department like FID, but he still thought that for each bad cop they fished out of the pond, they harassed three good ones, stopped them from doing the job they were paid to do. To be honest though, this wasn’t a conversation he’d like to have. They both wouldn’t budge. And why should they?   
People were entitled to their opinion. This was a case of things better left unsaid.

“Thank you.”

She didn’t seem to want to discuss it either. Good. Shouldn’t she know that if she got him and Provenza to have her back that she had won the fight? They wouldn’t have her back if they didn’t think she was worth it. He wasn’t quite sure when anger had changed to admiration, but it had.

“Don’t make me repeat it until you believe me,” he threatened.

His gaze was drawn to her mouth which curved upwards, and Andy wondered if she knew how beautiful she looked when she smiled. There was a light inside her eyes when she did that was all warmth. He didn’t know any other person who could say so much with just a single glance.

He looked up, realizing he had stared for too long. This time, it was she who looked away first, glancing down at her paperwork, her eyes not moving to read.

For a moment, he wondered what it was between them, what made him instantly aware of her whenever she entered a room. He shook off the thoughts, knew they couldn’t lead to something good. If anyone knew what trouble looked like, it was him. Time had made him wiser, experience had taught him how to – mostly – avoid trouble. As he looked at her now, though, she didn’t look like trouble, just like a woman who had faced a long and exhausting day.

“Why don’t you call it quits for today?”

“As nice a thought as this is, I have to finish this paperwork before I can leave.”

It was why she had called him into her office, to go over some statements so she could finalise the paperwork.

“Let me do it.”

She looked surprised, didn’t say a thing for a few gruelling seconds, making him doubt himself. He hadn’t meant to offer, yet it seemed to be the right thing to do.

“Have a good evening with Rusty, celebrate. I can do paperwork, you know,” he teased.

Her smile was warm. “I know you’re a good cop, Andy. You never fooled me.”

He raised an eyebrow, and she shrugged, poorly hiding her amusement.

“Thank you,” she finally said. 

“You’re welcome. Just don’t tell Provenza.”

“I wouldn’t dare.”

She got up while he grabbed the paperwork. A good team had each other’s backs, and she was part of the team now. He liked it, actually. 

Smiling to himself , he got up, guiding her trough the door once more.


	4. Joy

Sharon Raydor loved dancing. She always had. When being in the arms of a capable partner, it felt as if the world and its worries shrunk for a few precious minutes.

Right now, in the arms of her co-worker, she was able to lose herself in the moment, the music, her partner. Andy Flynn could dance. She had known he was a man of many talents, but she had never seen him dance or danced with him before. 

If she was honest with herself, she had to admit this wasn’t appropriate. Although, she was just doing him a favour, wasn’t she? There was no harm in being there for a friend. He was glad for the company, and she hadn’t been lying when she told him she liked to dance. 

It had been a beautiful wedding, the father of the bride more touched than he wanted to let on. She could easily see right through his façade, even when she didn’t comment on it. He loved his daughter, was sorry he had messed up so many times in their past. It made her think of the past of her children, the fact they had been hurt by their parent’s behaviour, especially Jackson’s, too. 

Andy twirled them around as if sensing her thoughts were drifting. She laughed out, looked up, his eyes warm, inviting, an impish smile playing around his lips.

What was it about this man that made her feel so incredibly alive? Whether it was anger or happiness, he knew how to bring her emotions to the forefront in record time.

“Did I tell you that you look lovely tonight?” he asked, his voice just a little bit deeper than it usually was.

“Only twice,” she replied with a smile.

“Well, then… You do.”

It was good to hear. She hadn’t dressed to impress anyone – she liked to think – but it had been too long since any man had complimented her looks. Tonight, she wore only a simple green dress, showing a bit of cleavage, hugging her curves, but she found it matched the colour of her eyes quite nicely. It seemed that Andy agreed.

Sharon knew they were treading a fine line, that what they did could easily be interpreted as dating, but as long as she knew she was only being a friend, it was okay. It was alright to enjoy a day without any of the worries coming with the job. 

At the moment, Rusty was doing okay, there was no pressing case weighing on her mind, and after the whirlwind that was her last year, she deserved a moment of freedom.

“I didn’t know you were such good a dancer,” her companion said.

She looked at him, mock serious.

“It’s not as if we entertained the thought of dancing with each other before, is it?”

He pursed his lips as if in thought, than shook his head.

“True. For quite some time, I couldn’t stand you, remember?” There was no sting to his voice, quite the contrary. “But now that I know you, I might ask you again,” he added.

“I didn’t know you had any other daughters about to be married.”

The hand resting on the small of her back twitched lightly, and she could see he was battling laughter.

“I don’t know about any either.”

“So there might be more.”

“I plead the fifth.”

They shared a smile.

“But do I need an explicit reason to want to dance with you? It’s hard to find a good partner, you know.”

Yes, he needed a reason, she was his superior after all, and she didn’t believe it was hard to find a woman willing to dance with him either. She didn’t comment on it, though, even refused to think about it.

If things were different, if he weren’t her subordinate… there was potential, interest, a certain spark, she knew it well, but friendship was all that there could be. Relationships weren’t worth to mess with one’s career, or rather there were distinct rules forbidding such entanglements. They were there for a good reason. Sharon had watched more than one of such relationships gone awry. 

It wouldn’t happen to her and Andy. She wouldn’t let it go that far.

The music stopped, and with more reluctance than she would have figured, Sharon stopped her movements, wanted to step back, was surprised when she found Andy didn’t let go of her.

“There’s always another song,” he said.

He was right, and the next song already started playing. It was a bit faster than the last one. It didn’t face Andy who guided her around the dance floor. Twirling around once more, Sharon smiled, briefly looking around, seeing other couples dancing, some people talking, others haunting the buffet. There was the bride, nestled in an embrace with her new husband, looking happy. 

It was wonderful to be here, to soak up all the positive energy. Life was never as easy and beautiful as such a splendid affair made you believe, but it was good to remind oneself that happiness existed. In her job, Sharon was surrounded by negativity, hate, fear, anxiousness. With Rusty at home her life had become richer, better, but there was often anxiety surrounding the young man. She loved having him around, but she also enjoyed being carefree tonight.

Here she was simply Sharon Raydor, a woman, a friend. As she glanced at Andy, he looked like a man enjoying himself.

“Too bad there won’t be another wedding soon,” he said, a twinkle in his eyes.

“I don’t think there’ll be one in my family either,” Sharon said.

“In that case… how about dinner next week? There’s a new Indian restaurant not far from work and I won’t get Provenza to try it out with me. He’s not a fan of Asian food.”

She knew she should resist, opened her mouth to tell him no, but she found it too hard to resist his warm, hopeful gaze.

“Dinner sounds good.”

It was only dinner anyway, no harm done. If she told herself that often enough, she might believe it herself.


	5. Chapter 5

Andy knew it was love the moment Sharon smiled at him, after a particularly sad case, when he invited her to dinner at her favourite restaurant. She looked tired and a bit sad as they had to send a young woman to prison who had killed a fellow student after two years of relentless bullying, online and in person. Most likely, the girl would be cut a good deal, but nothing would change the fact she had taken a life, a fact that had visibly affected her.

Sharon had just wrapped the case, closed the folder containing the report. Andy knew the report would look flawless, with every i dotted and every t crossed, something that would have irritated him for no good reason a few years ago. 

She had been about to head home when he stepped inside her office, taking one good look at her, offering to buy her dinner at the Italian restaurant just around the corner of her apartment. She looked thankful, her smile warm, and she hadn’t hesitated to call Rusty to let him know she would be home late tonight. Sharon’s gaze had kept his while she talked, the knowledge this wasn’t just an infatuation but love hitting him hard in the chest, making it difficult not to turn around, lest the expression on his face might betray him.

They might not have been dating when it came to her, but he knew he had wanted to date her and thought they were doing so for quite some time. He knew he had feelings for Sharon, but the sudden knowledge to what length he was willing to go to make her smile, to share or take some of her burdens came as a surprise.

For years, he had dated on and off, was glad to keep the women at arm’s length. He hadn’t been looking for love, knew love could only cause trouble. Now, he knew with sudden clarity he was sold, and he didn’t even want an out. 

“Shall we?” Sharon asked, and nodding, Andy helped her into her coat.

They were mostly silent on their way to the parking garage, both lost in their own thoughts.

“I’ll follow you,” he said.

“Okay.”

They had done this a few times before. Drive to the restaurant for dinner, both going home afterwards. That it meant he had to cross half the town most of the time hadn’t ever bothered him. This time, he was glad when he reached the restaurant, having been too distracted to pay as much attention as he should have to traffic.

With him holding the door for Sharon, they entered the restaurant where they were greeted by the owner.

“I didn’t think I’d see you back so soon, not that I’m not delighted.”

It was true, they had only had dinner here three days ago.

“There must be something addictive to your food,” Andy teased, making the other man smile.

“You know,” Sharon said once they were seated in a private booth in the back of the restaurant. “You look as if you’re a million light years away.”

“No, I’m right here.”

Before he could check the impulse, he reached out, his hand covering Sharon’s. She looked surprised for a moment, looked down at their hands before meeting his gaze, the smallest of smile playing around her lips.

“Good. I happen to like your company,” she said lightly.

He chuckled.

“We’ve come a long way, haven’t we?”

“Yes, we have. Although I never really disliked you.”

“You only thought me an annoying obstacle, complicating your professional life?”

Sharon’s eyes twinkled.

“Not even that. I always thought it was a tad bit stupid that you complicated your own life so often and with so much energy, but that was it. Not that you would have believed it.”

“True. But I’m trying to make up for it, you know.”

He loved the feel of her hand under his, her warmth, the soft skin tempting him to lift her hand to his lips. The very thought of touching her skin made his stomach flutter. They had kissed before, various times, chaste kisses on the cheek when parting after one of their non-dates or after her adoption of Rusty became final. With each time, it had become harder not to hold on to her, to find out how her lips would taste, how she would react to this intimate gesture.

“And again,” she teased, making him realize he had zoned out.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the waiter. She pulled her hand away from his, which almost made him sigh. She gave him an apologetic look before turning to the waiter. They ordered, and she waited until the man had moved out of earshot before she spoke again.

“Do you want to tell me?”

He didn’t ask her what she was referring to, only debated whether he would harm their fragile but beautiful relationship if he spoke out. By now, he was old enough and had burned himself often enough to know that taking a risk wasn’t always worth it. Remaining silent forever, though, couldn’t be the way to go either.

“I guess I wished I was a more patient man,” he said, speaking the truth while omitting part of the facts.

“I don’t know. I think you’re a pretty patient man.”

“I’m doing alright, but…”

Something akin to a sad smile flickered over her face, making him want to take it all back, crack a joke, just to see her smile again. This time, she reached out for his hand.

“Andy, I… some things just need time and sometimes a woman needs to get used to a thought.” It was her turn to sigh. “I have to get used to the thought of… us.”

Andy hadn’t realized he was holding his breath, Sharon’s thumb flickering over the back of his hand making him shake his head a little. He took a deep breath.

“I can live with that.”

“Good.”

She looked relieved. How could a simple look make him want to sweep her up in his arms?

“And maybe, I can be little brave, too,” she continued.

He raised an eyebrow. She looked down at his hand, then at his face again, at his lips to be exact. Did she try to steal his breath on purpose?

“What do you mean?”

She made a humming sound that caused the butterflies in his stomach flutter. “I thought that maybe… we could try for a proper good-night kiss tonight.”

She was blushing lightly, looked away briefly before facing him again. How deep could he fall for her?

“Yes, maybe we could.”

He knew he should at least try to suppress his broad smile, but he didn’t. Lying to himself wasn’t an option, there were still obstacles in their way, their jobs, their families, the fact they both hadn’t been in a serious relationship for years, yet it was a beginning. Tomorrow, he might worry. Tonight, he was in love.

 

The End.


End file.
